Our 100 point Narcissist Profile:
1. One minute
he/she appears loving and appreciative, the next minute he/she is putting you
down, punishing youor giving you the silent treatment.
2. He/she feels
entitled to special or preferential treatment because of who he/she is.
3. He/she lacks
humility and will avoid admitting that he/she is wrong or to blame for
anything.
4. You get the
sense that he/she is always trying to gain the upper hand with you and others.
5. He/she
always talks of himself/herself in glowing grandiose terms.
6. He/she never
admits his/her problems or insecurities.
7. He/she says
words with such conviction, but you get the strange feeling that they don’t
represent the real orwhole truth or are a distortion of the truth.
8. It’s hard to
feel completely relaxed and good in his/her presence.
9. He/she seems
very agitated and angry when you are happy of your own accord, unless he/she
has been the source of your happiness.
10. He/she
often feels misunderstood by others.
11. He/she
appears wonderful to outsiders but is often very mean at home to you and the
children. (street angel/home devil)
12. He/she
doesn’t seem to have any real presence or depth to him/her.
13. He/she is
most happy and delightful when you are admiring or adoring him/her.
14. He/she is
not honest or truthful. He/she will bend the truth to suit his/her own ends.
15. He/she
doesn’t understand you well at all.
16. He/she has
no real empathy or compassion for you when you are distressed, or for any of
your feelings.
17. You are
starting to question your own truth and reality as you are being told how bad
or wrong you are with such authority.
18. You are
starting to believe hi/hers criticisms that you are no good as a person.
19. You notice
that when you are away from him/her and with other people you feel so much
better, happier and can have fun and relax.
20. He/she
tells you untruths that torment you.
21. You find
yourself in discussions that are so twisted that it feels like you are losing
your mind
22. You often
find you are trying to justify yourself and explain what you think reasonable
people alreadyknow.
23. He/she says
cruel, uncaring and dismissive things without any empathy for the hurt he/she
is causing
24. He/she
makes agreements that he/she doesn’t keep, and then does not acknowledge ever
making them.
25. You often
feel he/she wants it all his/her own way, and is not really interested in
finding a win-win solution.
26. You often
feel that he/she is against you, and that you are being cast as the enemy.
27. He/she
doesn’t take any of your expressed needs into account
28. You are
blamed by him/her for problems.
29. He/she
undervalues contributions you have made, and overvalues his own.
30. He/she
never or rarely apologises for anything he/she has done.
31. He/she is
not accountable for his/her actions on many occasions.
32. He/she will
rubbish and blame you to others, behind your back.
33. He/she will
regularly bring in allies (family and friends) to back up his/her view that you
are to blame.
34. He/she will
pathologise you to others, family and friends saying that you are not
psychologically stable.
35. He/she will
use sensitive information you have disclosed to him/her when you were
vulnerable and trusting ofhim/her as a weapon against you.
36. He/she
doesn’t follow through on promises.
37. He/she has
no tolerance for even the slightest criticism, or even constructive advice.
38. When
you need help, he/she gets depressed, angry or abusive.
39. His/her
behaviour vacillates between very delightful and very mean and nasty.
40. To gleam
praise from others he/she will appear helpful and generous.
41. You often
get the sense that his/her criticisms of you are exactly what he/she is doing
himself/herself.
42. He/she
doesn’t seem to know or care how his/her behaviour hurts others.
43. No matter
how much you do for him/her, it never seems enough to make him/her contented or
happy.
44. He/she
often refuses to play by the rules.
45. He/she is
intensely jealous when there is no justification.
46. He/she is a
pathological liar, and does not like to be pinned down.
47. He/she
overestimates who he/she is and what he/she has achieved in his life in the
past.
48. He/she is
often erratic and unpredictable.
49. He/she
tries to limit your contact with and enjoyment of others.
50. He/she
doesn’t like it when people other than him/her are receiving attention and
praise.
51. He/she is
extremely defensive when confronted or questioned and will often attack.
52. He/she uses
guilt and manipulation to try to influence you.
53. He/she has
little or no sense of conscience.
54. He/she
believes he/she knows what you are thinking and feeling, and will inform you
what that is.
55. He/she
often interrupts you when you are talking, changing the subject.
56. He/she will
inform you that the matter is resolved without you feeling it is for you.
57. He/she will
refuse to discuss a problem you have brought up.
58. He/she
doesn’t sustain many close friendships.
59. He/she
cannot work co-operatively or in teams.
60. You have
noticed that he/she exploits other people
61. He/she
doesn’t admit he/she may have a problem, or ask for help. He/she is above
treatment.
62. He/she
avoids any real intimacy with you.
63. You don’t
get the sense that he/she has a genuine commitment to your welfare.
64. When you
act with independence and autonomy, he/she is not happy, and tries to stifle
this.
65. He/she
rages when you disagree with him/her.
66. After
he/she has tortured or belittled you, he/she will act with empathy to soothe
you.
67. He/she
never talks with you, he/she talks at you or lectures you.
68. You usually
feel he/she is emotionally absent, and never fully there.
69. He/she
cannot delay gratification. He/she believes himself/herself to be deserving,
and doesn’t want to put the time intopersisting.
70. He/she
tells you in subtle or not so subtle ways that your perception of reality is
wrong or that your feelingsare wrong.
71. He/she
seems irritated or angry with you often, even though you haven’t done anything
that you know of toupset him/her.
72. You often
feel that issues don’t get fully resolved so that you can feel happy and
relieved.
73. You
frequently feel confused, sad, frustrated or outraged because you can’t get
him/her to understand yourintentions.
74. You are
upset not so much about concrete issues, but about the communication – what
he/she thinks yousaid and what you heard him/her say.
75. He/she
rarely wants to share his/her thoughts or plans with you.
76. He/she
often denies things that you know he/she did or said.
77. He/she
seems to take the opposite view from you on many things you mention, but the
way he/she says it, your view is wrong and his/hers is right.
78. You often
feel unseen or unheard, and sometimes wonder if he/she perceives you as a
separate person.
79. He/she is
either angry or has no idea what you are talking about when you try to discuss
an issue with him/her.
80. You feel
abused or negated by him/her, but he/she insists how much he/she loves you.
81. When you
try to communicate how you feel about something, you feel no empathy from
him/her, or he/she negates your feelings.
82. He/she
often frightens you with rage to silence you.
83. You often
feel no empathy from him/her when you are describing how you feel about
something..
84. He/she
often manipulates you by ignoring you or withholding affection.
85. You feel
diminished by the time he/she finishes his/her conversation with you.
86. He/she
always needs to be one up or right.
87. He/she
attempts to define you eg ”You’re only doing that for attention”.
88. He/she
blames, accuses, judges or criticises you.
89. He/she counters,
blocks or diverts your conversation.
90. He/she
confabulates, ie makes up something negative about you and speaks it as if it
is the truth.
91. He/she
often is well behaved in public, but abusive in private.
92. He/she will
not ask for what he/she wants, so that you can negotiate fairly.
93. He/she will
not respond at all to your requests, or will respond with frustration, or will
only seem to respond but not follow through.
94. Your
attempts to enhance the relationship, improve communication, and find some
happiness all lead to difficulties.
95. Whenever
you try to explain that you are not thinking what he/she is saying you are
thinking or doing, he/shewill not hear or understand, or negates you in some
way.
96. He/she
behaves well towards you when you are of one mind with him/her, but the trouble
starts when you express either different views from him/her or your own
feelings.
97. He/she can’t
have fun banter with you. The only way he/she has fun with people is if he is
having fun at another’s expense.
98. The way
he/she treats you has deteriorated radically since you became more
settled together (move in together, got married, started having
children)
99. You feel like
you are doing all the work in your relationship.
100. You feel
energetically drained when with him/her, and energised when not with him/her.
